STUCK IN MY HEAD
Why did I hate this?
What erased that hope from two years earlier?
“I’m going to Boston!” I remember screaming to my running friends as I looked at my marathon time. We had just finished the Mount. Lemon Marathon. My goal had been to do my best, and to my surprise, I had not only qualified to run in the Boston Marathon but had taken second place in my division.
"Lucky. That is the top of my bucket list," a friend said.
I trained for Boston, not knowing that in 2020, COVID-19 would make its destructive debut and halt the marathon.
“I guess I missed my chance.” I smiled, trying to block the disappointment.
I couldn't believe it when the Boston Marathon invited those who had qualified for 2020 to run for the April 2022 marathon. I had thought my opportunity had passed.
“I am going to Boston!” I could optimistically claim again and immediately resume training.
I headed to Boston with a mix of excitement and loneliness. The dreary weather had impeded my sightseeing plans and intensified my emptiness of having no one to celebrate with me.
I shoved my way into the massive sea of 30,000 runners. “I should be happier for this,” I thought, but my attention focused on my solitude.
I shuffled at the start line, readjusting my gear.
“Go!”
I sprinted out of the corral and gave it everything I had, which typically works for me, and for the first two miles, I ran at a robust pace. I blocked out the spectators as I concentrated on my goal. Around the fourth mile, I couldn’t maintain my speed, and my mood fouled as more runners passed me. I had spent essentially two years training for the event. Why wasn’t I performing at my peak?
“This sucks,” I said. “Why do I do this to myself? This isn’t fun. This is my last marathon.”
The loneliness of the trip and my slow pace boggled me even more. I had spent thousands to be there and hated it. The negativity seeping from my heart continued to slow me down.
As I slugged through the race, I finally noticed the massive celebration along the route. Over 500,000 spectators were there to watch the race. People lined the course from start to finish with barbeques, banners, and parties. I observed the other runners, who seemed to focus only on their run as I was doing. As I kept pushing forward, I made eye contact with one of the spectators on the sideline as he cheered for me. I matched his enthusiasm and threw my arm in the air. “Yeah!” I screamed.
Instantly, adrenaline burst in me and boosted my speed. I did it again, raising my arm to the next group of people, and yelled, “Yeah!” They responded in equal delight.
Joy flooded me. I loved this. Typically, social interactions are my drug. I can get high just being around enthusiastic people. Had I discovered something?
I did it again and felt phenomenal.
“Stephanie, you have been doing this all wrong. Stop focusing on the run or the speed. Just have fun."
From that point, as I ran, I played to the crowd, and they responded to me as if I was the most significant person on the course. People went crazy, and their excitement became mine.
I moved my position to run next to spectators, and before I knew it, hands flared out to me, everyone wanting to connect with a runner. I slapped as many hands as possible, and it felt like a fountain of dopamine poured into me.
“This is amazing!”
I no longer stayed locked in my hardcore determination as I allowed myself to participate in the 26.2-mile party. I took the offered treats that strangers handed me, stuffing myself with sugar and fruit. My perspective shifted as I moved out of my head and enjoyed my interactions with the crowd. I no longer hated the race.
I LOVED IT!
I ran with the energy of 500,000 strangers and never had more fun. Miles flew by without me realizing it, and before I was ready to stop, I crossed the finish line.
I had met my goal. I ran the Boston Marathon!
I learned a valuable lesson that day. I lost my potential and joy when I allowed disappointment to control me. It isn't about the finish line. It is the joy in the journey. Only when I found the good did everything change.
Focus on the journey not the destination. Joy is found not in finishing an activity but in doing it. — Greg Anderson
Joy In The Journey Quotes (n.d)
Joy In The Journey Quotes. (n.d.). Collection of top 44 famous quotes about joy in the journey. Joy In The Journey Quotes.https://www.wisefamousquotes.com/quotes-about-joy-in-the-journey/
_______________________________________________________________
Why Am I Not Enjoying the Journey
by Stephanie Daich
Comments