I first noticed him
from afar.
He was the tattered
man at the bar.
His hair looked greasy,
his clothes so torn,
his face drawn out
in hideous scorn.
He had five teeth.
His smile sly.
His skin paper-thin,
and very dry.
What is his story?
I asked my friend.
He looks like he’s
come to his end.
My friend cautiously said,
the man’s name is Jim.
He’s plagued with AIDS,
best stay away from him.
I did what I could
to steer clear of Jim.
I avoided his gaze, for
I feared talking to him.
But one day, that sick Jim
offered to buy me a drink.
He slithered his arm over me
and casually gave me a wink.
Jim omitted a smell
that was powerfully rotten.
He smelled like something
life and time had forgotten.
Jim said to me,
you are a lovely sight.
Come home with me
and spend the night.
I couldn’t believe
he would even try.
The likes of him
with me to lie!
For starters, I wailed,
you’re sick with a disease.
You’re grungy, dirty,
and act like a sleaze.
For your information,
I am very high class.
I wouldn’t even share
with you a simple glass.
You’re disgusting,
You’re gross, to put it quite frank,
you’re putrid, you’re awful,
you’re downright rank.
I’d never drop down
to the likes of you.
It is something that
I would never do.
I keep my virtue
under lock and key.
I am not that loose,
and I am not easy.
I walked away quickly
with my head held high.
I hoped Jim would vanish
or just up and die.
Unfortunately, Jim
always hung around,
quietly watching me
without much sound.
He seemed to be waiting
for what I didn’t know.
Oh, how I wished
that he would vanish or go.
I tried hard to ignore him,
mingled, and made new friends.
I drank, and I partied.
I followed all the current trends.
Then one great day,
to my absolute delight.
I saw my dreamboat
what a gorgeous sight.
I did all that I could
to snare the handsome glance,
of this sexy new man
with the name of Lance.
He wined me and dined me.
He played his cards right.
I went home with him
late that magical night.
My life continued
just like it had before.
But slowly, oh slowly,
the thief appeared at my door.
Things started changing.
I didn’t feel great.
I felt sick more often,
in a horrible state.
This pattern continued
for several more years,
until I came face to face
with my greatest of fears.
HIV is what they said.
It is thick in your system.
There are so many in you
it’s hard not to miss them.
My world crashed hard.
Is my life done?
Was this my punishment
to my sexual fun?
Things just got worse,
a new sickness each day.
My body was dying,
my life fading away.
One day at my lowest,
to the clinic I went.
All my money
on this disease I had spent.
I was sitting and waiting
when he walked through the door.
It was Jim from the bar.
He looked worse than before.
Jim strode over to me
with a glimmer in his eye.
I didn’t want him to see me.
I wished to hide my face and cry.
He said, I always knew
I’d finally be with you.
Not a chance, I said
That will never be true.
The way he looked at me
made my blood run chill,
Through his toothless grin
he said, her name was Jill.
She was a sweet thing,
so tender and fine.
I gave HIV to her,
right in her prime.
She became infected.
She became just like me.
She promptly spread it
to as many as three.
Lance was just one
of those unfortunate three.
His body became indirectly
infected by me.
You and I are
one and the same.
We both played
the deadly game.
Somehow you must have thought
you were above the disease.
You thought you were better
than this dirty old sleaze.
You thought you were virtuous.
You made it your armor.
When you got HIV
it must have been an alarmer.
You should have known
AIDS can infect us all.
-Doesn’t matter if you’re white,
black, brown, short, or tall
Your clothes could be high class
or shabby like mine.
Roll with the big dogs,
or druggies to dine.
You thought by avoiding me,
you could be safe and clear.
If you didn’t even say hi,
you’d have nothing to fear.
But HIV is a secret
thief of the night.
It dampens the spirit
and burns out the light.
AIDs is a nightmare,
and it doesn’t care.
The people it takes,
it doesn’t seem fair.
AIDs break apart
many families.
There’s no mercy
with its causalities.
So don’t you ever put
yourself high above me.
If you thought you couldn’t get AIDs
You lived in a fantasy.
For what is given to one
is spread like a fire.
All for the high-cost of
fulfilling a desire.
Nothing you can do now.
The moment has passed.
The disease will be with you.
Your lot is now cast.
I looked right at Jim.
How foolish I’d been.
He was right. I’d caught the disease
indirectly from him.
Oh, if only I could
do it all over again.
I would stay away
from casually lying with men.
I’d keep myself clean.
I wouldn’t get around.
No AIDS in me
would ever be found.
But sadly, I’m here,
at my life’s end.
Sick, dying, lonely,
and without a friend.
My message to all,
whoever you may be.
Stay away from unprotected sex
Or IV drug activity.
These AIDs can infect you.
Your dreams, it does seize.
Everything changes,
As you are shackled to the disease.
___________________________________________________________________
The Deadly Cost of Desire
by Stephanie Daich
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